The Great American Christmas Dinner

Hello fellow bloggers,

So I have been writing crappy blogs since the last few times. Of Love Longing and Belonging, although sounds smart was a total downer. The fact was driven nay drilled into my head by the fact that I got just one comment that too from a complete stranger who was also a BIG loser. Sorry bro!

Well I suck. But I am still going to continue writing crappy stuff on my blog because WTF..its MY blog!! So bear with it. Anyway..for the newest post scroll down.

Christmas! The time of the year when everything looks like its straight out of wonderland or neverland or some other fairy talish land. And why not. There's snow which looks astonishing against the dark red and brown backgrounds of the houses on which it falls. There's music, frolic and lighting everywhere. So, Christmas makes me really mushy. (It has got nothing to do with Christ's birth)

This year I got invited for the Great American Christmas Dinner. It was awesome! It was everything I had ever dreamed of and more. You know how the dinner is depicted in English movies- a large family, the matriarch/patriarch, the lovable and loving granny or grandpa, the pets, the children of the family, the daughter-in-laws, the guests. Well they were all there. They were all dressed up for the occasion. There was a huge dinner table set for everyone who going to be attending. There was mistletoe and Holly. The grandly decorated X-Mas tree. Now all this may sound mundane to Americans, but for me it was amazing. It was one of the best Christmases I have had in years.

So anyway, there it was, the X-Mas tree strewn with presents wrapped wonderfully. The tree itself adorned in the best decorations. The reindeer and Santa in the porch, the aroma of the pie being baked in the oven. The feeling of oneness and togetherness floating in the air and the wine. It was really straight out of a fairy tale for me.

The best part of the whole evening was the exchange of presents. Everyone got a present, everyone criticized what they got. Everyone actually loved what they got-even if it was a pair of socks or undergarments because come on you always need them all. The sibling rivalry, the affection. It was all there. Just like it used to be for Diwali.

At the Great American Christmas Dinner, I realized we are no different. We are just people who need love to survive. We need family. We need that. I mean the Diwali dinner we had every year was no different than the Christmas dinner. Whether its USA or India or Afghanistan well maybe not Afghanistan, we celebrate different festivals yes, but what we really celebrate is Love, togetherness and affection. And that is the same everywhere. Throughout the world. Yes we all belong to different races, cultures. But we are the same essentially. We are all just Humans.

Sigh!

Of Love, Longing and Belonging...

I have been thinking about the word Love. I think it is one of the most misunderstood and yet widely used words. In Marathi I would say ghasun gulgulit zaalela shabda.

But yeah, i have been thinking about this oft used word. One of my friends who recently entered holy matrimony was gushing about her beloved husband. Hers is a great Indian arranged marriage. She had met her husband exactly twice before she took the plunge. I asked her if it was love at first sight for her. She denied. this amazed me, but I asked her how it was possible that she had decided to get married to this guy she had met just twice. Her answer was that she will fall in love with this guy after marriage. What's the big deal. This reminded me of a certain Hindi movie. So 2 months later, (before I deviate from the topic... ) she was gushing about her beloved husband. He had written a love ballad for her and she was SO much in love with him! She was in a state of euphoria (I gave her a been there done that look) which according to psychologists is the first stage of love. The other stages being attraction, adjustment and acceptance. How the hell was she in love with this guy? I mean its like in an arranged marriage the stages of love become Topsyturvy. Acceptance and commitment comes first, then comes adjustment, then attraction which is mostly physical and lastly, if at all euphoria, the true feeling of being in love with someone. I didn't understand this woman.

I remember when I first started going out with my boyfriend, it was so wonderful. The feeling of happiness was omnipresent. I used to smile all the time. The world was a beautiful place. I went through all the stages appropriately. Initially it was all a bed of roses, then when the attraction phase came, I found everything about him attractive. His hair, the way he walked, the way he said 'give that to me', the way he smiled, well I could go on and on about it, but that's not the point. Then I had to adjust regarding some of his habits that I thought were annoying but were harmless. And then there was acceptance of the person in front of me whom I loved. Everything about him was accepted and loved because he was a package with good bad and annoying habits. There was commitment and a different level in understanding was reached.

Enough about me already. I don't understand how people become so obsessive with their respective GFs/BFs. I think its suffocating and restrictive. but then again, love has different connotations for everyone. Even this very good looking talented guy, who can be described as nothing else but uxorious. He is happy being hen pecked by his soon to be wife. I wouldn't tolerate her for a minute, but then again different connotations.

Longing these days for me has become synonymous with Love. I know I long to be with my boyfriend. I think about him fondly and miss him a lot. That is love too. I know that when I meet him again after this long gap, I am going to go through the stages of love again.

Love is the one word that probably takes me through the day.

paaus

Saw this poem somewhere on Orkut..Loved it..so its on my blog..I dunno who's its is.. :)

नेहमीचाच पाऊस तसा..आज वेगळा वाटला....
कोरड्या झालेल्या मातीत....नाच नाच नाचला....

तेच थेंब,तेच पाणी...
पावसावरचीही तीच गाणी....
गाण्यातला सुर जरा तेवढा....
एकटा एकटा वाटला....

नेहमीचाच पाऊस तसा..आज वेगळा वाटला....

पाण्यातुन वाहणारी कागदाची होडी....
वाफाळलेला कपातील चहाची गोडी...
कप जुना तसाच... मात्र....
चहातलाच गोडवा आटला......

नेहमीचाच पाऊस तसा..आज वेगळा वाटला....

रस्त्यावरचा नकोसा चिखल सारा.....
घरा-घरात घुसणारा सोसाटयाचा वारा...
घरं अगदी तशीच उभी....
वाराच कसा दिशा भरकटला.....

नेहमीचाच पाऊस तसा..आज वेगळा वाटला....

पावसामुळेच काय ते.. प्रेम-बिम जमलं होत......
एका हाताने.... दुस-या हाताला हळुच हातात घेतलं होत......
प्रेम कधीचच संपल....
कारण हातच कायमचा सुटला.....

नेहमीचाच पाऊस तसा..आज वेगळा वाटला....

अश्रुंना तुझ्या या आवर रे आता....
दु:खातुन तु जरा सावर रे आता....
अश्रु कधीचेच आटले हो....
एक थेंब फक्त्त डोळ्यात साचला.....

नेहमीचाच पाऊस तसा..आज वेगळा वाटला....

My tag!!!

Ok shruti, so u tagged me..i thought it was interesting..n therefore I will continue this...

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
I need to lose weight

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
15$and 40 cents

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
More

4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
Mom (not really boring because she is in India)

5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
QSQT Ae mere humsafar guitar

6. What are you wearing right now?
tee and track pants

7. Do you label yourself?
Yes..lots of times

8. Name the brand of the shoes you currently own?
Reebok, Payless and some unbranded ones

9.Bright or Dark Room?
Bright. Cant stand darkness

10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
Frankly? i think she is a nutcase just like me..but she is one of my closest friends..

11. What does your watch look like?
Its a Titan watch..ordinary..white dial golden hands etc.

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
sleeping..snoring..dreaming

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
Nothing special..some At&t offer.. :D

14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
S**t

15. Who told you he/she loved you last?(please exclude spouse , family, children)
My sister! (oh but she is family.. :( )

16. Last furry thing you touched?
Very cute rabbits that go by names like Drake, Coco, Peanut, Snowflake, Shadow etc..

17. Favorite age you have been so far?
I think 17-18..was the best time of my life..but also 21..loved being young!

18. What was the last thing you said to someone?
F*** you..to a friend I argued with

19.The last song you listened to?
Dooba Dooba rehta hoon aakhon men teri..

20. Where did you live in 1987?
Dahisar Anand Nagar

21. Are you jealous of anyone?
Well yes..but I cant say their name.. :P

22. Is anyone jealous of you?
I hope someone is! Coz that will mean I have something to be jealous about. :)

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
Mobile phone, Pitt ID, Books

24. What’s your favorite town/city?
Mumbai and Pittsburgh

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
To the secretary of State dept of transport..long story..

26. Can you change the oil in a car?
Nope

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
Chatted with him a few days ago..works for a big corporate company..wont take the company's name..or he will know it was him.. :)

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
My back..guess who?

29.What is your current desktop picture?
At the cost of sounding narcissistic..Myself!

30. Have you been burnt by love?
Hell yes!

Change

Change is inevitable they say. Change is sought after by most people. You need a change, so you go on a holiday. You need a change so you take a break from loved ones (read boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse) by cheating on them. Change is thrilling, fascinating even. Because change is new.  Inevitable. 

What makes me dedicate an entire article to this small word is that I have always wanted change in life. Change the way I look. Change my profession. Change the way I get educated in my country. Change how men disrespect women. (I know at this sentence my male readers have stopped reading so no more male bashing!). So basically I have ALWAYS wanted change in life. For better or for worse. 

I wanted change so I came to the US. I became a part of Pittsburgh and its very beautiful surroundings. After staying here for a measly 8 months, I have fallen in love with this beautiful university town. I had some bitter sweet experiences here and now its time for CHANGE. I will have to change residence because I will be shifting elsewhere for a job. But this time, I am despising change. Becuase this time, what I want has changed. I dont want change anymore. I want stability. I dont want to take a break from my loved ones. I dont want to take a holiday. I dont want to get educated elswhere. I want to do what people call settle down.

So what changed?  Frankly I have no answers myself. Too much of change is not good. Probably that changed. I got more than I bargained for. 

I want to change some things in life. I want more stability. That changed. Change is inevitable. Even if you dont it. It will be there! 

Some food for thought!

This morning I got up with a vague feeling. I dreamed of Utopia. It was beautiful! and of course unreal. but there it was. Everything was fine. Everything was put straight by us. The earth had been saved. There were no black holes and no global warming. the level of carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide and methane was perfect. No animals had become extinct or even endangered in many many years. There was greenery every where. On the social front, organized religion had evaporated in thin air. Its place had been taken by a free for all society. Gender bias had been stopped too. Crimes were almost non existent. Women were not raped and all children were provided with education. Everyone had jobs. People were content. There was abundance of food. Everyone observed social responsibility. Children were loved by all. elders were respected. There was a Uniform Civil Code. Passports were not necessary any more. Visas were not issued for entering and exiting countries. There was no bloodshed and no wars for land and territory. In fact, there were no borders. Everything was PERFECT!

After having this dream, I should have been a happy person. But this morning I got up with a vague feeling. It was a nagging kind of a feeling. It was tugging at me. Why? I wondered. I kept pondering over this question. Why was I not happy. It was indeed a happy dream. then why not? I went to college with this feeling.

When I entered my classroom, my friends congratulated me. I had supposedly won the Essay competition called the 'The World in 2109: better or worse?' In the essay I had imagined Utopia. Just like in my dream. But somewhat more elaborate. Yes. Utopia.

What if, we really, in some far fetched time line, do achieve Utopia. Will the world be a better place? Oh yes! but surely. It would be. Every one will be happy and content. Everyone. But for one person. The WRITER. The writer will die, wither away in anonymity. Utopia will mean the sad demise of the writer, the author, the poet. What will he imagine about? How will he write stories filled with optimism. How will he portray the real 'reality?' How will he write heart rending poems about the poor, the suppressed and the downtrodden? How will he find the lotus blooming on mud? How will he create castles in mid air?

I smiled to myself. I had got my answer. I would no longer be needed. I am the writer. I dream. I write. I create. I weave. Oh but I wouldn't be able to do it right?

So much for selfishness. but definitely some food for thought ha? Ha Ha.