Thats the way it is...

It was one of those days that come very often in my life. Blue and gloomy. It was my second week in the US and I still didn't have an on campus job. Petty problem in the larger scope of life. But for the ant in me, it was a mountain. I was finding it difficult to get a phone. My laptop was not exactly working like a supercomputer and to top it all, my dad's bank was going on an indefinite strike. Phew! The problems were mounting. I was left alone. In an alien country, where you are making your parents pay through their noses, these issues are termed as problems. So I had Problems.
I decided to quit. i decided to give in to sadness. I wanted to cry and that I did. I went to this park where I could be alone for all the time I had and no one could have cared less. And so, I went there with my burden and sat with my woes feeling like i have the worst troubles. I was so engrossed in self pity that it took me a little while to recognize a song being played in the distance.
it said, "i can read your mind and I know your story,
I see what you are going through,
its an uphill climb and I feel like sorry,
but I know it will come to you yeah,
So don't surrender coz you can win...."
Celine Dion. I thought to myself. I decided to explore the source of the music.
I started walking. It really was an uphill climb. I was huffing and puffing by the time I reached the top. But the view from the top was breathtaking. The panoramic view of the entire city lay in front of me. It was simply beautiful. It was worth the climb, I told myself. I never found out the source of the song. But it didn't matter so much. I had realized the importance of the uphill climb. The view from the top of the mountain was what I wanted to see. The climb was inevitable. I had to make it. Sometimes alone, sometimes with someone, but it had to be done.
In the distance I heard the church gong. I smiled to myself. After all I was being taken care of. I saw self pity slither away. In its place there was inspiration. Sprouting new leaves. Still a sapling, but nevertheless present.
I kept hearing the gong as I left for home.
It was the begining. Not the end.

People!

Well, my first week in America and am already learning to live. I always thought I was independent. I also always thought that the kind of people I met in my undergraduate years were the 'types' I am always going to meet henceforth. But I was absolutely, devastatingly wrong. Here in the US the greatest country in the world, I am meeting people who are nice and not so nice. Some are hypocrties while some others are plain irritating. Also, my so called independent streak has been dampened by life's travails, that too only in the first week. Sigh! I say so because, I realized that living alone anywhere is not an option for a sane person. Man is a social animal and he/she will remain so. Interaction, company or frienship, it can be called by multiple names, but living together and sharing is so very important.
When I was in India in my own house meaning I had a place to stay; I was always complaning. Sometimes it was about food, someimes about the furniture and sometimes about nothing. I took my family members for granted. But here in America, their absence makes me realize their importance. I dont know if it hppens to everyone who leaves their family. Maybe it is a universal feeling. So be it. Realizing such a big thing is an important benchmark for me.
As for the people here, I am discovering newer species everyday. People can go to any lenghts to impress others and I just hope I am not one of those. Other people are so nice to you that you wonder what good work you have done to deserve it. And here I seriously hope I am one of them.
My college hasn't even started and I am already step higher in internal learning. I hope to go much further and farther both internally and externally.
(Whew! Maybe I should learn to talk and write less!)

SplitsVilla

Get real girls..
I saw a few episodes of SplitsVilla today on MTV. Must say, it was terrible. Not because it had skin show, which it had, but because girls are so bloody stupid. Guys on the other hand, as always walk away after having lot of fun.

What I fail to understand is how do these 10-12 girls actually become ready to be a part of this show where they know they are going to be mocked at. Why put yourself through such unintelligent brainless rigmarole? I really hated what was happening. After all, women themselves want to degrade their clan by vying for the attention of two super idiotic, dimwitted so called males who are definitely male chauvinist pigs. Man! Those guys cannot even speak in English. Plus, it all boils down to one thing in the girls- Sex appeal and then some more. Is wearing skimpy clothes and dancing seductively the only way to grab a man's attention. These very girls consider themselves intelligent. Hah! My foot! The girls appearing on both Splits villa and Get Gorgeous (Channel V) are anything but intelligent. Yes they are sexy, (whatever), they maybe bold but totally dumb! Please don't tarnish other normal girls' image specially in front of guys. Its been only recently that some guys have started accepting that girls too are smart and intellectual.

Any way, one verdict: DUMB girls, DUMBER guys and an extremely DUMB show.
MTV.....yuck!

Can I be a child?

Ma, can I be your child again?

As I grapple with life everyday,
As I struggle to fit in.
Sometimes here, sometimes there
I remember the days ma,
when if i was alone, you played with me.
When my life revolved around dolls and dogs.
When I could come crying to you because Ramu did not talk.
When you brought me that lovely pink frock.

I remember those days now ma,
As I struggle to fit in.

I am an adult now.
I am responsible.
I have to work now,
earn something feasible

I remember those days now ma,
When if I was afraid, you hugged me.
When i was ill, to sleep you lulled me
When you told me stories of Alice in Wonderland,
When you told me of Peter Pan and Neverland

Today I am afraid ma,
I need your soft push to get me going.
I need you to help me face the storms.
I have to face the rain alone,
I am afraid I will falter.
Will you offer me your hand again?
So I can bear the pain.

Oh! Can I be a Child ma?
Can I be your child again?

There are times...

There are times when you are totally frustrated with whatever is going on around you. Sometimes there is no particular reason for it.

As such everything is going ok. But then suddenly everything seems to go wrong.
You get up late and reach late for work
Trains are more crowded than ever
You fight with your parents/Colleagues/ Friends/ Boy friend
You blame everything on PMS

And then the vicious cycle starts.

There are times when you fee like crying but you bite your lip and swallow your tears and all the other emotions that have swollen up become a lump in your throat.
There are times when the person you love the most tells you that you are not the most important person in their life.
There are times when your friends don't have time for you but for someone else.
you come to know about your friends lives through some random person

There are times when you laugh where you want to cry.
You talk to people even when you don't want to.
You smile and laugh when you would rather introspect and think
Jealousy is killing you but you keep going on.
The days seem to drag on and you seem to have lost purpose in life.

And then there are the days
When you feel like you own the world
You make someone smile
Your patients actually like you and look forward to meeting you.
You meet Toto Chan and your eyes fill up with tears of joy.
You wake up to find the Himalayas floating in front of you and you sigh with relief.
You thank God. You see God. You feel It.
You go on a picnic with people who care for you.
You find time to laugh over petty things.
You sleep peacefully after a hard day's work.
Your mom makes delicious food for you.

There are times when you feel like you will become something in life.
You seem to have a purpose.
Your aims are sky high.
You are motivated enough to move mountains.

There are times and then there are times.
Between these two, I live!

To All Men

Yet another story of assault on women. Another woman gang raped by some men. Still another raped by some other men. The list is endless. And that too on the third day of the New Year. What an auspicious start!

This is an appeal to all men. We are sorry. We thought we could equal a mighty, cruel and brutal beast. We had thought we could walk shoulder to shoulder with you. But little did we know that we were overestimating ourselves. We did not know it is your rights to molest us.To stare at us every time we walked on the road. To be mentally undressed by some pervert is commonplace. To be groped and touched against our wishes should not offend us. Still we have to continue walking. Not pay attention to what is happening. And suppose we muster up the courage to fight it, we are actually molested and raped. My question to all men is WHY? But of course women are to blamed. They dress provocatively. They titillate the senses. They are promiscuous. They don't cover their faces. What a crime! How dare women be so free? They are supposed to be mere sexual animals. Born to satisfy a male ego and a male body. To be defiled and degraded by their own fathers and uncles and husbands and husbands' friends. How dare they swear at a lecherous mob? Don't they understand, it is the men's right to gawk at them and pass lewd comments. Don't they understand that they are things and not humans? Don't they understand that they have no right to walk on the road unaided? Oh women! Your naivety is not going to be appreciated.

Every single day the newspapers are full of crimes, and rimes against women takes a major chunk of space. Every time I read about a woman being hurt, I feel like I have suffered the injustice. Is it ever going to stop? Whether it is the workplace or a slum or a bus or even a brothel, it is the woman who suffers. Why? Because the man cannot take control of his urges. I am filled with so much fury at this lame fact that I feel all men who dare to even touch a woman without her permission should be castrated. Straight. Deprived of the one thing that they are proud of. Maybe I am taking it too far. But seven years of imprisonment is just not enough for a crime as heinous as rape. Whenever I read about such thing or sometimes see them happening around me, I feel pathetic, cheated. I feel like I have been lured into believing that I can dream too. That it is alright to think that I can roam freely on roads. Bullshit I say.

They say "heaven hath seen no fury, as a woman scorned" Scorned? It has become more than that. But where is the fury? Where is the agitation, the revolution? Where are women's groups? And I don't mean the political ones. Women are known to be emotionally stronger than men. Is it to bear these atrocities that we are stronger? Is it to keep quite and take it all in the stride? Hell no! We have to become physically stronger. Fight it out. It has been proved that continued resistance to a rapist's advances tends to put him down. Why should women be weaklings? Stand up for your rights women. We have been brought on this earth for a specific purpose, not to warm someone's beds. Why do we always need a Mahatma Phule for our own emancipation? Why can't we fight our own battles? Start today. Make your little girls as strong as your boys. Make your boys respect women. Don't put them on a higher pedestal. But on a similar one. Don't worship them but just treat them like fellow human beings.

To all men I plead to please, please stop being so cruel. Please just let us be. Change your outlook towards us. Don't try to look inside our clothes. Rather look inside our hearts. You will find that our heart also beats at 72 beats/minute. We too have blood flowing through our veins. We too have eyes and a nose and hands and feet just like you. We are in essence just like you. Then why should we face these acts of violence alone? Oh! Please, please be kind to us. We are human beings too just like you are. We are neither Freya nor Durga. All we ask for is peace. Oh but isn’t that the costliest thing on earth?